Terrible Tragedy

[yarnlover66]

Hello everyone. Tragedy has struck my family this weekend......

It wasn't uncommon for my brother to call me, my sister or my mom to go check on his wife (my sil) Olivia if he couldn't reach her on the phone while he was at work. See, she has diabetes pretty badly and would sometimes sleep through when she was supposed to get up and eat to keep her sugar at a normal level. Several times we would have to get to the house and find her sleeping in bed or on the couch and have to wake her up enough to get her to drink some orange juice and a jelly sandwich. She'd do that and then test her blood. Once it was back to normal she would always want to call my brother to tell him that she was ok.

On Saturday, November 5 my brother called me to go check on my sil because she wasn't answering the phone. I said, sure. I drove to their house 4 blocks away. Went to the front door--it was locked, ran around to the back door and it wasn't. I walked inside, stepped into the kitchen and was calling out her name. She didn't answer, but I heard bath water running. I thought, Oh--she's getting ready to take a bath--I won't disturb her--but let her know that I am here and that she should call my brother. She still didn't answer and when I went around the corner to peak into the bathroom I found her in the tub under the water. OMG, I was so scared--I pulled her out of the water, called 911. They got there and there was nothing they could do for her. She was gone. She had drowned. She was 26 and her birthday is November 19--she would be 27. She and my brother had just celebrated their 3rd anniversary and were expecting their first baby in May.

From her autopsy we found out that she blacked out, slid into the water and drowned. The baby was a boy. They were going to name him Samuel Christopher (Christopher after my brother).

About 2 weeks ago I had started a baby afghan--one of the charted ones with a teddy bear in the middle, but thought I'd have plenty of time to finish it. I'm only about 1/5 of the way done with it. He told me that it was too bad it wasn't finished that I could have put that in the casket with them. I had seen rememberance blankets out here on the forum, so Monday night around 10 pm I found a wonderful teddy bear square pattern and crocheted that up and added ruffles, ran white ribbons through the edges--tied them into bows into the corners. I stayed up until it was finished and took it to the funeral home with me on Tuesday morning. They were able to wrap the baby in that and was placed in the casket with my sil.

My brother is just a wreck. He has been curled up on my mom's couch with Olivia's blanket ever since Saturday. The funeral was today and tonight he has just sat there twirling her wedding ring on his finger. They were so much in love. Perfect for each other.

When I was leaving the church tonight I saw 3 knitted prayer shawls in gift bags for my sil's sisters and her mom. People thought I had made them. They were beautiful and made me wonder if there is something that anyone out there could do for my brother as a time of comforting and healing.Perhaps a prayer shawl for him?

Thank you so much for reading my lengthy posting.

Teresa

[snapkat]

Oh Teresa, I'm so very sorry. That's really devastating news.

[hollier2002]

Oh, that is so terrible! I am so sorry for your loss and once you know what you want done, let me know ok. That must have been a terrible experience for yourself also, being the one finding her. That would have really freaked me out, especially being someone so close to me.

Just let me know and I will gladly help you with whatever project you need ok .. :hug

[yarnlover66]

Thank you. It was a horrible horrible experience--finding her. I was surprised as to all of the people who were concerned about ME over my finding her. I kept feeling guilty because I didn't feel it was right for me to get this attention--this time is supposed to be about my brother. But I think it helped to have people talk to me about it. They said that there was a reason that I was the one that found her, better me than my brother. I have not slept much at all since, maybe 3-4 hours each night--not well rested sleep either. I keep seeing her in the bathtub when I close my eyes. I constantly relive that day over and over in my head. I've been crying a lot and have lost my appetite (which is returning slowly). Friends and family are extremely worried about my well being and constantly were telling me that I needed to go to counseling. I did call and got into one session yesterday and I am going to one tomorrow. The therapist told me that everything I was doing was normal, so to cry, spend some time alone and see the images that pop into my head and to make sure I deal with them and not supress them. So we'll see.

[yarnlover66]

What is made for a man who needs comforting? A prayer shawl?

[Chiscrochetcrazy]

Oh my gosh that is heartbreaking :cry I'm a type 1 diabetic and that scares my family to think about that happening , my blood sugar goes low sometimes so fast.Gosh let me know what you will be doing and I will try to help :hug Please know I'm praying for all for you :hug

[antara]

Teresa, I'm so sorry. :hug I can't even imagine what that must have been like. What do you think of doing a comfortghan for your brother? I'd be happy to send a few squares, if you think that's a good idea.

[xmaystarx]

I know I am new here but I'm still very sorry for your loss. Reading your story was heartbreaking. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[mythunderbird]

teresa, how ya doing honey, you want me to make some squares too, i think that would be a good thing to make. maybe in olivias and his favorite colors, what are they hon, let us help you please. think what you would like, i am so glad you were able to give the baby something to sleep with in heaven. if i can do anything at all, please let me know alright? i am also worried about you. pm me or e-mail me or when your on go to aim, any way possible so i know your alright. sending :hug :hug :hug :hug to you and your family. keeping you all in my prayers:manyheart :manyheart :manyheart

[Katchkan]

You and yours have my deepest sympathy, I know you are going through a rough time right now, along with the rest of your family. :hug My thoughts are with you. :hug :hug :hug :hug :hug :hug

[jacqui]

I am so deeply sorry for what your going through, the hardest thing is to go through grief and still try to keep things 'normal' for the family. Take time for you and be kind to yourself eventually the hurt lessens but it never goes away, you just learn to live with it. :hug :hug :hug :hug :hug :hug :hug :hug :manyheart from Jacqui in Australia.

[crochetlady]

Teresa, so sorry to hear about your family's loss! I am praying for all of your family members.

:hug
Vims

[goldi316]

I am so sorry this has happened, Teresa. :hug:hug:hug for you and your family, and especially your brother. A comfortghan sounds like it might be a good choice, in his and Olivia's favorite colors as someone else suggested. Please let us know, and I will pledge a couple of squares for it. And here's more :hug:hug:hug:hug for you.

[KristieMN]

I am sorry for your loss. It looks like you are in a lot of peoples prayers. Add me to the list.

[mimi_mia]

My deepest sympathy and prayers go out to your family :hug :hug

[123mama]

:hug Sending good thoughts and prayers for your brother and you and the family. :hug


sondra

[yarnlover66]

Olivia's favorite color was shades of purple. There were 57 plants/flowers at the funeral yesterday and the majority of them were purples and white. It was beautiful.

A comfortghan is a wonderful idea. The squares can be sent to me and I can put them together for my brother. Please make them 12 inches and in shades of purple. I could use white to put them together. I just saw one that crochet dude did with variegated blocks and used white to connect the squares. It is pretty.

t.kahler@mchsi.com for my address

Thank you so much!!
Teresa

[Julie]

Teresa I am so sorry! :hug

[faithpa76]

Teresa, I'm so sorry, your family has my deepest sympathy - my mother was diabetic and I can't count the number of times either my dad or I found her unconcious, it's amazing how quickly blood sugar can drop. You have my thoughts and prayers.

[Hooker]

Oh how awful! I'm so sorry for you, your brother and the rest of the family. Hopefully a comfortghan will bring him some comfort in knowing that others share his grief.

:hug:ghug

[froggy]

Oh Teresa, I don't know what to say. I will be praying for your brother and all of the families involved. :hug

[donnalynn2]

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry for your loss. That's a horrible thing to go through. I can't imagine having to see what you did. Sounds like you could use a prayer shawl too! :)

I don't know about your brother. In my experience men deal with these things a lot differently than women. I really don't know what would help him at a time like this.

If there is ANYTHING I can do to help please let me know! I'll make anything you need!

[BY&BH]

I'm very sorry for your family's loss.

[CatsCradleCreations]

Teresa, I have no words right now, but :hug :hug :hug for you, your brother and your family!!

Could you PM me your address and I'll get something out for you soon. :hug

[PJ]

Teresa, I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. That's just awful. :hug

[Ro]

I am so very sorry. I cannot even imagine what your family is going through.

You bring up a very important question...what do you give a man to comfort him in time of grief? I am thinking perhaps a large blanket that he can wrap himself in. I am tearful here imagining that remembrance blanket being wrapped around the baby...

Perhaps some of the men on the forum will have an idea? I will send an email to the Crochet Dude and see if he can think of anything...

Please take care of yourself, you've been through a horrible trauma too finding her like that...

hugs,
Ro

[dogymom]

I'm so very sorry about your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

[thecrochetdude]

I am so very sorry. I cannot even imagine what your family is going through.

You bring up a very important question...what do you give a man to comfort him in time of grief? I am thinking perhaps a large blanket that he can wrap himself in. I am tearful here imagining that remembrance blanket being wrapped around the baby...

Perhaps some of the men on the forum will have an idea? I will send an email to the Crochet Dude and see if he can think of anything...

Please take care of yourself, you've been through a horrible trauma too finding her like that...

hugs,
Ro

It's been my experience that men tend to withdraw completely during grief and it appears they just want to be left alone, but indeed they need to know they are not alone.

I think Ro's idea of a big blanket to wrap up in is a fantastic idea. Especially if it is made up of squares from a bunch of different people. It makes one feel like they are never alone.

I'm so sorry for your loss. :hug

[crochet smartcat]

Teresa, I am so sorry to hear of your loss and your grief. Please put me down for at least one square (I can do more if you need more, but sounds like you will have lots of volunteers.) If you need any help, please let me know. The counselor is right to tell you to just let all your feelings come. I know it is not easy to keep seeing that in your mind, but with time it will start to fade a bit and not be quite so fresh in your mind. If you need an ear or shoulder you know I am here. Just keep plugging along and take each day as it comes.

[mamaoso]

:hug and prayers go out to you and your brother.

I was working outside when I came in for something to drink and see what my DH was doing. Found him on the bed. he had a heart attack. I kept seeing him and what ifing. What if I came in earlier? What if I came in when he did? Then I got mad, Why didn't he say he wasn't feeling well...
It gets better, but it has been 18 years and I sometimes still see him and question myself.

[quirkyvirgo]

My heart goes out to you and your family. I would love to help with the comforghan. I'll email you.

[Cuddlefish]

Urgh, I feel sick from reading that. I'm so sorry for your loss. :( :hug

[kariholtz]

Sweetie, there just aren't any words to express feelings right now.

During Victorian times it wasn't uncommon for men to have their own blanket for wrapping around their shoulders for warmth (and comfort I am sure).

A blanket can be a very good replacement for a hug in times of needed comfort.

:hug :hug :hug
You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers.

[mscrocheter]

My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

Madelyn

[13bodies]

I'm so sorry. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

[rose6601]

Wow, I am so sorry for your loss. That must have been such a tramatic experience that I can only imagine. You and your family are in my prayers for sure.
Roseanne

[luckygrrl]

I am so sorry Teresa, that's so devastating. My thoughts are with you, your brother and your family.

[smyz64]

I will get some squares put together. Would you rather someone else put it together for you? I would be willing to do that for you. PM me your addy, or let me know if you want me to put this together and I will send out my addy to the people on here.

I'm so sorry for your brother's double loss. How heart wrenching to read this story. :hug for you and your family.

[auntbubbels]

I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
I'm a beginner at crocheting but if you need squares for a blanket, I can give it a try

[Chiscrochetcrazy]

Teresa you want 12" squares in shades of purple right. Have you considered making 2 one in baby colors too just a thought. It seems like you have a big response and you might have enough squares to make 2 blankets.

[Lynn]

Teresa,

I am so very sorry! What a horrible thing for you all. Your brother must be a wreck. I had made several prayer shawls last year and I have one that is a dark purplish-blue that would be good for a man. If you would like it just PM me your address and I will be happy to send it to you for your brother.

You are all in my prayers. May God Hold You In The Palm of His Mighty Hand

Lynn

[evelyn]

SO SORRY SUCH A TRADGIC ACCIDENT:hug
SENDING GOOD THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS YOUR WAY :hug

[dixieredhead]

I'm so sorry to hear of your familys loss. i hope eventually your brother can recover from the loss. I will email you and help in any way I can. My heart goes out to all of your family!

[yarnlover66]

Oh my, the outpouring of love and generosity is so overwhelming. This is such a wonderful forum to be a part of!! It brings me to tears to know that there are still caring people in this world. I have experienced it several times since I've joined this website.

Crochet Dude said it perfectly. Men seem to want to be alone when they are greiving. That is my brother. The first several days he didn't want to do anything except sit on the couch curled up in my sil's fleece blanket that my mother made for her last christmas. He won't let us wash it because it has her scent on it. I think that a comfortghan will be wonderful.

My plan is to use 12" squares in shades of purple and I'll put it together with white yarn. I've never done one of these before, BUT I am going to try. I might need advice and help.

:hug :hug To EVERYONE! This has and will be a very difficult time for my family. I'm so glad I have my friends at CROCHETVILLE.

[Aggie May]

Please count me in on your Comfort Afghan.
I am not a praying sort of person but please be assured that you have my heartfelt sympathy.
In my life, I have suffered many losses, one being my 15 month old daughter, (she would be 40 now) when I was only 23 yrs old, but I have never had to go through what you have just experienced. There is nothing in this world which can prepare us for such a shock.
You have not only lost a SIL but a Nephew too who would have had the world at his feet one day. Your brother has lost his future for now but he will eventually find it again.
I often wonder what my daughter would be like as an adult and what wonderful things she might have done.
My daughter died in a car crash and for years after, I would think, "What if..." then one day I realised there are no "What ifs.."
There is only reality, then you wake up one morning and realise that the world has not stopped turning.
It does get easier but you never forget and soon the good memories overtake the bad.
Get lots of beautiful photos of your SIL and put them all over the house and eventually the beautiful memories will come back.
Once again, All my sympathy to you and your family.
Colleen.
PS: Send your address and I will send you some squares.:hug

[mamaoso]

Got your PM. Thanks.. Glad we could comfort you ..:hug and prayers for you and your familia...

[Jody]

Teresa you and your family are in my prayers. I am so sorry for your loss! I am glad to hear you got into a counseling session and are going to another one. I heard they have techniques that a person can use to help "erase" images from our minds when they keep coming back. I lost a child to suicide (horrible, horrible nightmare) and joined an online support group for parents and some parents found their child hanging for example and are learning how to "erase" the image through counseling. I say erase because I can't think of a better word at the moment. God bless you and your brother and all of your family.
I could make a square also but I am just learning how to crochet and it might look really crappy....let me try one this weekend and get back to you as to whether it is worth sending you. Would that be alright?
When I read your orginal post I got the chills and goosebumps. I am praying for you and your brother, what is his first name? :hug
((((((((((((((((((((((Teresa)))))))))))))))))))))) )) With love, Jody

[RachelG]

:hug Hugs for you and everyone involved. I read about this yesterday morning and couldn't stop thinking about it all through the past day or so.

[Yarnster]

Oh Teresa :worried my heart is with yours :hug

You'll never be alone here at crochetville :hug

(((Hugs))) :hug
Wendy

[Pink]

Teresa, I am so sorry for your loss. Taking good care of yourself is one way of helping your brother.


Su

[Seneca and Scooch]

Teresa, I am so sorry, :hug I am at a loss for words. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Please PM me your address so I can send you some squares for the comfortghan. :hug

:hug ,
Coralie

[Etaria]

Goodness I am soo very sorry.. My problems at the moment are petty... I cannot even begin to imagine what you and your brother must be feeling and going through right now... I am soo very sorry :( Your family will be in my prayers.

[divaborn]

Oh, Teresa, I am terribly sorry for your (and your family's) untimely loss. Please accept my condolences.

[dixieredhead]

I'm sending out my square today. I hope we bring alittle comfort to his life. Again so sorry for what happened.

[yarnlover66]

Thank you so much EVERYONE! :hug

[cat_haven]

Teresa, my prayers are with you and all your family. :( Tonya

[Kellycat]

I am soooo sorry to hear of your family's loss. I hope that your brother has all of the support at this time that he needs. :hug

[CrochetinClara]

I'm sorry for your loss:hug.You,your brother and your family are in my Prayers.

Years ago, when I was a teen, I lost my older bother. It was and still is a very very hard thing to talk about. One friend had said to me " The pain will never go away, but you will learn to live with it." And I have, and I know you and your family will too.

[yarnlover66]

I hate to ask this, but I've had such an overwhelming response to mail me squares. Could everyone that is sending squares email me at t.kahler@mchsi.com again to tell me how many squares you are sending? Some people are asking me how many more I need and I don't know how many I'm getting. Someone said I need around 16-20.

Thank you again everyone! I appreciate everyone's help!

That is one thing that the minister said at Olivia's graveside service.....My brother spoke with the minister privately before the funeral and wanted to make sure that he mentioned that we should always tell people how much we love and appreciate them, because you never know when they might not be there! So remember to tell your friends and family how much you love them!

Teresa

[crochetfun]

Teresa, we are all thinking about you and your family. How sad...
A horrible experience for all of you.
It will take time and more time to dull the pain.
:hug

[MARCILEE]

I am so sorry for your loss, and your brother's loss. If there's anything at all I can do, just let me know. I can't imagine what you and yours are going through. I could try to make a granny square, though I've never tried before. :(

[Crocheting_MammaII]

I am sorry for your family's loss. I will pray for your family.

Melanie

[cruelladvill]

I am so terribly sorry for the loss your family is suffering. Many prayers for all of you.

Rhonda

[tobybob]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My prayers are out to you and your family. I have made a square for you. If you would send me your name and address I will put that in the mail to you. This is the first time I have made a square for someone.

:hug :hug
Marlene

[CarolL]

My thoughts and prayers are with you thru this. My heart just breaks for your family.

[tobybob]

Teresa,
I mailed you the square yesturday.
Marlene

[LynxRufus]

I'm so sorry. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers

[TXyarnelf]

Words can't express the sorrow I feel for you and your family. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.

[yarnoholic]

My sincere condolences as well. As someone else mentioned, if you need squares to make a comfortghan for your brother, let me know where to send 'em and I'll get 'em out ASAP. *hugs*

[mythunderbird]

hi teresa, hope this finds you doing alright, i know it is so hard to deal with all of this. girl ya know i am praying for ya right? anyways got 4 squares made for ya and will need a addy. i sent ya a e-mail. please let me know your doing alright. :hug :hug :hug :hug :2hug :2hug :2hug

[Rosemary]

Dear Teresa,
My heart goes out to you, your brother and all your family.
Many hugs and prayers.

[mythunderbird]

hi teresa, got 5 squares done and sent off today hope your doing o.k hon, i miss ya, and am praying for you sweetie:hug :hug :hug :hug :hug

[busybee]

Bless you and your family at this time in your lives. My Prayers are with you all.I will get squares to you soon.:hug :hug :2hug

[Valerie77]

im so sorry to hear about your family's loss. i hope your brother will be doing better soon.

[yarnlover66]

I want to thank everyone for all of your kind words and prayers. And the help with getting a comfortghan put together for my brother. I have received 5 squares from 5 different people and they are all beautiful.

Yesterday was my sil's 27th birthday and my brother wanted everyone to go out to eat in honor of her. It was nice. I can't believe she's been gone 2 weeks now.

I am going to be asking for advice on how to put these squares together once I get them all.

Thanks again to all of you!
:hug :hug

[fran]

I mailed three to you Saturday.

[busybee]

Mine will be in route tommrow.

[goldi316]

My squares are on their way, Teresa. I've sent you an email.

[Qmare]

Just a quick cyber hug for you :hug

I know this is a tough time but it sounds like you all are clinging to each other which is really good.

You will all be in my prayers.

Mare:manyheart

[Chiscrochetcrazy]

Hi Teresa just wondering how you all are doing :hug This time of year is very hard to lose a fmaily member my Mom & Dad both passed away at this time of year it's very hard at first but gets alittle easier as time passes.

God bless you & the whole family :hug

[daff1]

i am just a beginner but let me know what i can do to help.

[Gran]

Teresa, I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. With hugs and love,
Gran

[lovingmommy]

i just noticed this thread. it has been about a month since your that post... how is everyone doing right now? it must be so hard. you are in our prayers.

[susandoty48]

I know I am new here, just joined tonight but I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. If there is anything I can do or help with please let me know.

[Shaylen]

I just wanted to say i am so sorry for your lose,i lost my brother to diabetes about 4 years ago,found him in bad gone.He was so young and thats makes it even harder,my prayers are with you and your family.